i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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