so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
