Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
