I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize