dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
high people should be assigned attendants
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
