I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
