one two three fourrrrnication!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize