Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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