I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
