Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
