i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
