They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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