Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
