im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
