Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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