he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
