I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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