drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize