So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
