I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
