They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
