I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize