She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
