is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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