She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
