Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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