his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
And then he peed in my hair
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