i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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