I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize