I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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