I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
