this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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