I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
