Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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