final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize