i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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