Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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