i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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