She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
