Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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