You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize