If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it's like heaven, but drunker
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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