I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
