sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
