You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
