the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize