If that was your dad, he is hot
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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