So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
