dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My ATM looks so different sober.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
