fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Bring me that man meat
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
