In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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