i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
