he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
