In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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