The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
