they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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