why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
