someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
