my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
