dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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