i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
