No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
