Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
