you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
my liver is dry heaving
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
