in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
