Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
