I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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