Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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