he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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